


I smile

by Chileangirl



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 14:45:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12038103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chileangirl/pseuds/Chileangirl
Summary: Chen falls in love with Xiumin, but Xiuhan is real.Xiumin falls in love with Chen but insecurities were taking him away.





	1. I smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chen's POV

I knew from the beginning I wasn’t the one for him. He was so cute and sexy, with his chubby cheeks, his gummy smile, his quiet personality, even his OCD was great- he kept everything clean and organized. When did I fall in love? From day one I guess. However he wasn’t free, he was already dating Luhan hyung and I knew it. I thought my crush was just something light, that it was going to disappear, boy I was wrong, so fucking wrong. When I was placed in EXO-M I didn’t get it, I mean I didn’t speak Chinese and I was terrible at dancing, but after seeing Kris hyung attempts to dance I felt better, and I had Lay hyung to help me with my Mandarin lessons.

The bad side: I had VIP access to xiuhan, like 24/7. What did I have to even try to compare myself with Luhan hyung? He had the killing look: innocent but mischievous, a good voice, great dancing skills, excellent sense of humor, fashionable, he spoke perfect Korean and Mandarin… while I… well, I am only me. I understood why Xiumin hyung chose him: they were made for each other: handsome, cute, sexy and talented. I was just Chen, the one with the Cheshire cat’s smile, so I just did my part, I smiled

Time passed and I became Xiumin’s best friend, we spent so many hours practicing Mandarin, promoting EXO-M, going to TV programs it was the normal path, friendship only that… My heart though, my heart didn’t understand it, instead of falling out, I was falling in… deeply in love with Kim Minseok. I did nothing though, what was the point? He had Luhan and Luhan had him, period. I know my role, I smiled.

Then, well… Kris hyung left us. We were devastated; he was a very important member. However, the show must go on. We accepted his reasons and supported each other. There I saw myself, hugging my favorite hyung, comforting him because I was “his bestfriend”. When Minseok hyung felt better he went to stay with Luhan, I had his friendship while Luhan hyung had his heart. My mission was over so, I smiled.

Later, it came his tragedy: Luhan left EXO. I thought there was a tiny silver lining behind the clouds but was short lived: they didn’t break up, they kept with their relationship, EXOLs were better than Dispatch, there were photos all over the internet, they kept in contact and dating. I was there when Minseok hyung cried because he missed Luhan, I hugged him and sang a lullaby to sleep. I cheered him up, I was his best friend. I was there, yet again giving him a smile.

Time passed and Tao left us, people might actually have thought we were getting better at dealing with their departures, but truth to be told we were not. It was painful as hell. We trained together, lived together, eat together, debuted together and he was our maknae. We were definitely not ready to see him leaving. It was his decision and we just saw him walking away from us. We were powerless and incredible sad… SM didn’t gave us time to think, we were always busy and we became closer than before, too scared to lose another member. That was when the beagle line grew closer, we became the energy of EXO, and we made our mission to have an endless supply of jokes so the rest of the members would feel happier and more relaxed. It was also my way out of love; I started to spend lots of time with Chanyeol and Baekkie and less with Xiumin hyung, for the first time I could properly say: I smiled.

Then I became really busy composing music, and Punch came to help me. We clicked immediately. I spent most of my time in the recording studio. I couldn’t believe my song was chosen to be played as the main track of Descendants of the Sun. It was around that time that I found out that Minseok hyung had finished his relationship with Luhan hyung. I should have felt bad about it, but I’m human and I just couldn’t control my emotions, I felt relief? I dunno anymore. I was consoling Minseok hyung, again, as his best friend. Although, this time hyung didn’t seem so heartbroken, I guess time and distance did help him to overcome the break up. We started to talk again more often, I wanted to be closer to him and Minseok let me hugged him, hold his hand. I was so happy, I smiled.

We went to a TV program, I was so nervous; it was our first time together with no other EXO members. It wasn’t any program; we had to spend a full day together. As in TOGETHER!!! There was an interview at the beginning; the reporter asked us if we were close, hyung told them we were the closer friends in EXO. I felt proud and I was internally screaming, he seemed to care for me. What really made me faint was the fact that while I said he was my “hyung” he said I was his “wife”, what did I do? I smiled.

During the whole recording I felt strange, Minseok hyung was acting different towards me, he was openly talking to me, we had a karaoke in the car, we ate together, we fed each other. It felt awfully like an extended date. I convince myself it was just for the show but hyung was openly flirting with me, when we walked in the forest he said it was the ideal place for couples. I didn’t know how to react; it was like my dreams were coming true. He even made an acrostic poem with my name… JongDae- is -Daebak… It was a day I didn’t want to end, but it did. Since that day I felt the change in his attitude, he became more possessive and touchy with me, I accepted it, after all I was his friend and maybe if everything worked out I could be his rebound. It was the start of something new, so I smiled.

Later on, the day of my craziest dreams came true: Minseok hyung confessed to me and asked me to be his boyfriend. One part of my brain told me he just wanted to use me to get over Luhan hyung, but my heart told me: to the hell!! Even if it wasn’t true love I was gonna take it. He was everything I ever wanted and I felt loved, I felt happy, I smiled.

But “happily ever after” doesn’t exist, and I learnt it the hard way. Me loving him was never enough. I could never actually replace the place Luhan left. I always knew his shadow would come to chase me. I have no complains though, Minseok made me feel special, he cared, he made me fall even harder. Deep down inside my brain kept telling we weren’t meant to, my brain kept telling he was still in love with Luhan. But I didn’t listen, it couldn’t be true, I kept following my heart because being Minseok’s boyfriend was better than being his best friend, he made me happy. He made me smile.

That was until sasaeng/paparazzi EXOL’s came into the story, they tagged me again. There were pictures of them together, Luhan and Minseok, talking and drinking coffee in their old dating spot. My brain was right after all, it was just an illusion. I saw other pictures of them and my heart broke a little more, tears started to go down my cheeks, the more pictures I saw, the less loved I felt. I cried and cried. I wanted to erase my feelings but I just couldn’t I wanted an explanation from him, but the explanation never came. Minseok hyung came home that day, I was waiting for him to mention his meeting with Luhan, and he didn’t say a word. That hurt me more than the images, he just brushed it off, he kissed me and held my hand, he was physically with me, but I knew that emotionally he wasn’t. I tested waters:

**Anything important happen? Anything you want to tell me Minnie?** \- I asked.

**Nope, nothing relevant, I just missed you the whole day** \- he answered me.

That was it, I gave him the chance and he didn’t mention his encounter with Luhan. I knew there was no “US”, it was just me who was foolishly and blindly in love. I pushed everything inside of me and decided I had had enough; I was tired of my one-sided love. I was going to give Minseok hyung the best gift ever: Freedom. I hugged him and I smiled.

I spent one week loving him, enjoying his “love” for me, his warmth, his touches, his hugs, his laugh, his voice. It was my farewell, the farewell to my first love. We were in the middle of the preparations for our come back, with rehearsal and vocal training I had almost no energy. Minseok hyung gave me strength; his presence was enough for me. His tenderness was all I asked for. He was the owner of my heart, my first love, the person who was able to make me smile.

One day I asked for a kiss, and I kissed him with all my love, slowly and painfully and I cried. When we parted for oxygen he asked me:

**Hey, Chen- Chenny, what’s the problem? Why are you crying, do you feel sick? Where does it hurt?-**

I didn’t meet his gaze, I just couldn’t. I wanted to say that **_yes, I am sick and tired of everything. Yes, it hurts; my heart hurts because it’s breaking it, because you are breaking it._** But I said:

**Don’t worry Minnie, there’s nothing wrong. Can I have another kiss?** \- And he kissed me, with intensity and passion. I followed him because after all it was our last kiss. When we stopped I asked him for a hug, our last hug. When we parted I dropped the bomb:

**Minseok, it’s time for us to talk…** and I let go of him, I let go our relationship. I let him be free so he could go back to Luhan. I held his cheeks for a last time and I went for a walk, I looked at him and even though it hurt I smiled.


	2. You were beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin's POV

It wasn’t love at first sight, no; it was rather connection at first sight. I actually didn’t see him but listened to him. He was in the training vocal room when I heard him. Literally it was like listening to an angel: Chen was so amazing. Later when I saw him my opinion remain the same, Jongdae was a young, handsome, life full, kind, gentle, and at times forgetful human being.  When did I fall in love? I never knew. I just felt the need to become friends with him. He was beautiful inside out.

I wasn’t free at that time, I had Luhan so, Jongdae was not my love interest, but I just couldn’t escape his charms a caring person like him made me feel alright. Then when I knew I was part of EXO-M I was so nervous though after learning he was also going to be there I could breathe again. With the help of Luhan I could master a decent pronunciation of Chinese. I had no problems with my dancing skills, but I had Chen whenever I had problems with my voice. Chen could have been a great vocal trainer if he hadn’t been part of EXO, I’m sure about it. Whenever I felt homesick while in China I turned to Chen and somehow he managed to make me feel at home, my best friend, my favorite dongsaeng. You were beautiful, but I wasn’t aware of that.

Time passed and Kris left us, I was devastated, he was a person we could have a serious conversation with, somebody we could lean on, and his departure left us speechless. I thought about running towards Luhan but he was way more affected than me, maybe because they both were Chinese and they both had a common ground. Instead of Luhan I turned to my best friend, he gave me comforting hug, a warm smile. You were beautiful, my Chen-Chen.

My tragedy came, Luhan decided to go back to China leaving EXO behind. Even though we talked about it, it hurt like hell. We broke up right away, we were young and confused. We knew it wasn’t going to work with both of us so busy. Luhan in China and I living in Korea, we just felt it was right to say good bye, but we kept in contact, as friends anyways. My best friend came to rescue me, I was lost but he helped me to find my smile again. He became my support, my essential need. Maybe that was when I started to really notice him. You were beautiful Jongdae.

A little more time and EXO’story became sadder again, another member left us. We were definitely not ready to let go our maknae, but that wasn’t our decision to make. We saw him leaving with a piece of our hearts as well. There was no time for crying because the ever caring SM didn’t give us space, we were full of schedules, movies, shootings, photo sessions, etc. we were exhausted most of the time so our pain was left behind. I was scared to lose another member. Furthermore I was terrified of losing Jongdae, so I became more attached to him, I had the constant need to be around him. I noticed everything concerning him: his soft manners, the way he danced, the way his lips curl up even when he wasn’t smiling. His long dark lashes, his cheek bones, his brown eyes, his toned legs, his warm hugs, his comforting words, the way he sang me lullabies to sleep. You were beautiful.

I took for granted his company and I missed him when he wasn’t around, when he started to hang out with the beagle line I noticed how much I needed him. I started to felt strange, jealous perhaps?  Well I felt even worse when Jongdae started to record the soundtrack of Descendants of the sun, he was with Punch and I just lost it. I wanted to be with him, like the old times, I even told him about Luhan and me breaking up just to catch his attention. That was when Kyungsoo came into the picture, he knocked some sense out of me, and one day while being alone he told me:

**Hyung, how are things with Chen?-**

**Normal, I guess. He’s spending too much time in the recording studio nowadays. I kinda  miss him-** I said, what Kyungsoo said after it took me by surprise:

**So, have you noticed him then? Have you notice his feelings?-**

**Wait, what? His feelings? -** I answered.

**Yes, his feelings. It’s clear as day he loves you hyung, everybody can see it. Well, everybody but you, you’re so oblivious hyung.**

**He loves me as friend Soo-ah, you’re reading it wrong. Plus you’re not a person in the position to speak about obliviousness towards a dongsaeng, aren’t you?**

**Hyung, this isn’t about me. Here we are talking about Chen, his happiness is one of my priorities and I really cannot take it anymore. He loves you Xiumin hyung, like really loves you. I -from what I have seen in your eyes and your actions- know you love him too. Make a move now or else you’ll regret later** \- Kyungsoo warned me.

He was right, maybe it wasn’t friendship anymore, maybe it was love. I was not sure at all, but the opportunity to test his feelings and mine came in a TV program appearance. I had the chance to spend a whole day alone with Jongdae and I took advantage of it. In the previous interview he said I was like his “hyung” and I said he was my “wife” I looked at him and he blushed, even his ears were reddish, he looked so handsome, so cute. During the whole recording I openly flirted with him and his responses were so endearing I knew right there and then I was in love with him. I also found out I was falling more and more in love with him. I didn’t want the day to end but it did. I became clingier and more possessive with him. Kyungsoo was right if I didn’t make a move I could have lost Jongdae. So I confessed to him and asked him to be my boyfriend. He said yes, he made me the happiest man in the world.

It was really perfect, being his best friend was great, but being his boyfriend was the best. I was the one who took him on dates, I held his hand, I made him blush with just a complimented, I made him laugh with my silly jokes, I back hugged him. These were the happiest times of my life. You were beautiful Kim Jongdae.

One day he was acting strange, and he asked me for a kiss. How could I deny him? I was addicted to his kisses, so I gave him a kiss. I felt he was crying and I asked what was wrong he said:

 **Don’t worry Minnie, there’s nothing wrong. Can I have another kiss?** So I kissed him even with more love, more passion, and more intensity. I felt something was off. Up until he shot my heart, he broke up with me. I stood there in the middle of the living room and I saw him leaving, he went out, after breaking up with me, I was a crying mess. I was frozen, he left me. Even when walking away from me, You were beautiful Kim JongDae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I write the epilogue???


	3. Every time I see you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue with a happy Xiuchen

Kyungsoo entered the room and talked to me. I couldn’t make sense of his words at first. But then he shook my by the shoulders:

**Xiumin hyung, is there any problem? Why are you crying?-**

**Jongdae, he left, he- he- he broke up with me-** I answered.

 **What did you do to him?** \- kyungsoo asked.

 **What? Haven’t you listened to me? Jongdae broke up with me-** I angrily answered.

 **Yes, I did. But knowing Chen the problem here must have been you hyung. What was the reason? What did he say? -** Kyungsoo inquired.

**He wasn’t clear about it, he told me because he loved me he was letting me go-**

**Oh, no, not that phrase hyung! That’s not what he meant. He still loves you. I’ve gone through that before and Jongdae loves you like crazy. What did you do when he break up with you?**

**Nothing, I couldn’t react, I was numb-** I answered. I should have said something, I should have run after him, I should have followed him- I thought

 **Didn’t you follow him?-** asked Kyungsoo.

**I was paralyzed. I – I- I didn’t know what to do Soo-ah-**

**Well, then call him. You got to talk to him and clear this misunderstanding-** Kyungsoo added. I took my phone and called him. That’s when I noticed he had left his cellphone in the coffee table, he was out of reach and I was terrified.

 **Ok, let’s calm down. We should check his phone and his copybook, the one he always writes-** Kyungsoo proposed. I went to look for his copybook. Kyungsoo took his phone and tried to look for info:

**Hyung is locked, what’s the password?-**

**0618-** I answered

 **Huh? Why is that? -** Kyungsoo asked out of curiosity.

 **Xiuchen’s day, don’t you dare to judge me ok, I know yours is 0113-** I added.

**Ok, fair enough. But this is about Chen so please, just shut up for a second, I’ll read his notes, and I’m checking also the gallery. What about the copybook?**

**There’re lyrics, addresses, our activities, oh!! There’s a mark here, from one week ago. But it doesn’t match any of our schedules.**

**Hyung give me that date and I can look at the browser in his phone maybe he saw something-** Kyungsoo said. I gave him the date, and he look in Chen’s phone. Then he punched me in the arm. I didn’t understand why.

 **Hey! What’s your problem Soo-ah? Why did you hit me? -** I asked.

 **Why hyung? why? You wanna know why. Then tell me why did you cheat on him!! Why?? Why Luhan hyung, I thought you were over-** Kyungsoo yelled at me.

**How can you say such thing? I love Jongdae more than my own life; he’s the apple of my eyes. Why are you mentioning Luhan? we’re over Kyungsoo. For god’s sake!! I’d never cheat on Jongdae-**

**Well, that’s not the case, a week ago you were on a romantic escapade with Luhan hyung, and this is what Jongdae has in his phone** \- Kyungsoo shove the cellphone in my face. There were many pictures of Luhan and me, I couldn’t believe my eyes. So Jongdae thought I was cheating on him, that’s why he was crying.

**Soo-ah, I met Luhan but not as a lover but as a friend. I knew Jongdae felt insecure about him so I thought it was a good idea not to mention I was meeting him. I swear Kyungsoo I did not cheat on him; this is just a big misunderstanding.**

**Well, if that’s the case it isn’t me who you need to be explaining yourself with. You’re at fault now. Go and find him. Since you’re the boyfriend you know him better, find the place where he always escapes and talk to him, mend this situation hyung-** Kyungsoo told me with a worried tone.

I took my keys, my phone and I went looking for Jongdae. I could endure many hurtful situations, I could deal with members leaving, I could survive my breakup with Luhan but a day without him, a life with no Jongdae was just unthinkable. He is my light, my destiny, the only person I want to protect until the end of the world. I thought about his hiding places and I visited all of them, he was not in our favorite coffee shop, the park, the Han River, etc. I was running out of ideas when it came to my brain: the place he felt more comfortable with… So I went there. SM Building, vocal training room, the one people never use because it has only a big piano with a mic. I ran and ran, and there he was singing his heart out:

**We went in circles for a long time,**

**But even if it’s not now, I’m alright.**

**Don’t leave, even if we can’t see our futures**

**Will you believe and wait for me?**

**My one and only, have I ever told you that you are my everything?**

**You’re my destiny.**

He didn’t notice I was in the same room; I waited for him to finish and opened his eyes. He saw me and wanted to escape; I hugged him and trapped him in my arms. He fought me back but I was stronger, I was not letting him go without listening to me first.

 **Dae please, just please give a minute. This is a big misunderstanding, just hear me out-** I pleaded.

**What’s the use? I know what you’ll say and it’s plainly cruel. I know it. Please I can’t deal with this anymore. Minnie I love you too much that it hurts.**

**Dae, what do you think I will tell you?**

**Minnie, you’ll tell me you love me not, you’ll tell me you realized Luhan is your only one, the person you’re still in love with. Why would you want me to listen to your story, it’s just heartless, let go of me now, please, let me go-** Chen said with tears in his eyes, it broke my heart because I was the one causing him pain.

 **No Dae, I won’t let you go. I can’t let you go, do you know why? Because you’re wrong. Because I was stupid. First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. I should have told you I met Luhan. Second, I never cheated on you, I met him not as a lover but as a friend and in the pictures you saw they didn’t capture the reality, I was telling him I was finally at peace. Third I won’t ever tell you I love you not because that’s a lie. I told Luhan I was in love with you, I’m in love with you and I’ll be in love with you. Dae you’re my one and only. I love everything about you. Please, come back to me-** I pleaded.

**Minnie, don’t say things you don’t mean-**

**Dae, I swear I love you. Look at me please. If you look at my eyes you’ll see the truth- I** begged him. He raised his beautiful brown eyes, full of fear and a bit of hope. His eyes were so red, his cheek bones were all puffy, his lips were trembling but to me he is the most handsome. I said: **Kim Jongdae, I love you and I can’t imagine my life without you, I won’t turn my eyes away from you because are my everything. If you don’t believe me, let me sing it for you** :

**Every time I see you, when I see your eyes,**

**My heart keep fluttering,**

**When you look at me and smile**

**It feels like my heart will stop**

**How about you? It’s really hard for me to handle**

**All day I think of you**

**Minnie, that’s a low blow, how dare to use my song in your confession?** \- He said

 **If I say the reason why I chose it will you forgive me? -** I pleaded showing my most powerful weapon, my aegyo. I know Dae could never resist it. He gave me a sign to explain. **I chose it because whenever I felt lonely because you were recording for the drama soundtrack it was the song I kept on repeat. It is the song that represents my feelings Dae, every time I see you I feel more and more in love. Look into my heart, this is my truth: I love you Kim JongDae!!!**

**I love you too, and I believe in you, I can see your soul through your eyes; it’s true you love me-**

**I do, and I have to say again I’m sorry for making you cry. It was not my intention. I didn’t want to make you feel bad, I promise I no longer love Luhan, and you’re the one in my heart. Since you came into my life you brought happiness with you. I just can’t let go of you. Kim Jongdae please be my boyfriend again, come back to me-**

**Kim Minseok, I loved you, I do now and I will love you. Yes, I want to be your boyfriend, I want to go back to you-** Chen told me.

 **I promise I won’t ever hide anything from you, I want you to always tell me what’s bothering you, I want you to tell me about your insecurities. I’ll make my mission as your boyfriend to make sure to feel loved. Every day I will remind you how much you really mean to me. Can you promise to tell me all? -** I asked Chen.

**I do, Minnie, I do. I’ll tell you about my doubts as long as you also promise to tell me yours. You can always count on my love-**

**I’ll tell you all, but I bet you know my heart. Chen-Chen, can I kiss you know?-** I asked

 **Yeap, you ca-** I didn’t let him finish and I took his lips in mine, I kissed the life out of him. I was so scared, so afraid of losing him, I hugged him possessively I didn’t want to ever feel the emptiness of being deprived of Jongdae. When we parted for the necessary oxygen I told him: **I love you very much.**  

 **Same here Minseok, I love you so much-** he said.

 **Perhaps we are not the perfect couple. There’s so much  to walk, there’re so many places to visit. We need to mature more. However, as long as I have Jongdae I can face anything-** Reflected Minseok.

 **Maybe I’m not a perfect person; I know I have my flaws. But I’m sure I’ll grow more mature, I’ll be a better version of me, as long as I have Minseok cheering on me I can do anything.-** Jongdae thought

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno, I never planned this fic, it just came to me. I'm not sure if I should write Xiumin's POV or not.


End file.
